18 Ways to Celebrate Football / Groundhog / Grandma Miriam Day

Grandma Miriam looking somewhat horrified as she sips tea (or possibly coffee) on her wedding day.

Today would have been my Grandma Miriam’s 89th birthday. She passed away a while back, but she had a lot of admirable traits and I’m sorry that Charlie won’t get the chance to know her. As such, I’ve decided that we will celebrate her life today by doing some things she liked. As luck would have it, she enjoyed watching football and having chili, so most of America will be celebrating her legacy today. I hope to make this a tradition on the birthdays of relatives that Charlie didn’t get to know. Since Grandma Miriam’s birthday won’t always fall on Super Bowl Sunday, here are some ways we might celebrate in years to come:

1. By playing gin rummy
2. By listening to Sousa marches
3. By making cream cheese-based dips that go well with potato chips
4. By smoking a Camel cigarette
5. By listening to “Those Fabulous Hits of World War II” on cassette tape
6. By wearing a floral mumu
7. By voting
8. By not fooling with it
9. By declining to associate with no-goodnicks
10. By watching Yankee Doodle Dandy on VHS
11. By going to the movies
12. By going for a walk by the beach
13. By wearing a sweatshirt with a rabbit illustration captioned, “Oh no! Another grey hare!”
14. By going to the race track
15. By playing penny slots at The Four Queens in Las Vegas
16. By sleeping with our feet uncovered so they don’t get hot
17. By accomplishing the tasks set before us with minimal fuss
18. By watching Groundhog’s Day. I don’t know that she had a strong opinion about the film one way or another, but it’s a great movie, yeah? And when your birthday falls on February 2nd, this is how people are bound to celebrate.

UPDATE: Grandma Miriam’s birthday is actually tomorrow. But I’m not going to be home tomorrow, and we’re not having chili tomorrow. Next year, we’ll celebrate on February 3rd, like good grandchildren.